I want to walk on stilts...naked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
