You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
