You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
