Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I did not marry a roomba.
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