So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
