Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
