I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
