My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
