I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
