you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
