If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
