no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
