your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize