I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
even my farts smell like vagina
you win again, gameday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think people are normalizing furries
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
