how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
