Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
