i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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