he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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