If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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