when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm like, not good at living.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
