i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He did a backflip because drugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
