I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
