Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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