We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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