Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
