okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
