i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
