if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
