I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize