he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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