Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
