your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
