you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize