I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize