I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
