i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
