Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
