Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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