My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
