Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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