Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
