If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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