If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
