If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
