just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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