he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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