The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize