hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize