That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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