Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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