Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
