roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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