question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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