I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
