I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
