.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize