it was like eating out sand paper
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
