I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the day after is always just damage control
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
