I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
