She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
