Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
