im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
