i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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