he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
